Scars and Home
by tardisatdownton
Summary: My Entry for the 2013 Cobert Valentine. Very angsty but I promise it has a happy ending. What scares does Robert bring home when he returns from the Boer War and how can Cora help. My prompt word was gossamer.


Firstly this is my first attempt at fanfiction in God only knows how long, so it may be rusty.

Secondly I have no beta so if there are mistakes I apologise.

Please read and review they power the writer.

Written for the "Be my Cobert valentine" from tumblr.

Stick with it it gets to the Valentine bit near the end.

17th June 1902

It seemed quite strange to Robert, after three years of upheaval, he was laid back in Downton completely safe. The War had seemed to drag on for what seemed longer than the three years it had, Robert couldn't say whether it was the same for everyone, every time he had been granted leave he came home though he had been greeted by three slightly taller girls, three slightly more defined by their own rights girls, he felt that when he came home today he had missed most of his girls lives. Robert sighed he was a Captain and a respected member of the British forces in Africa he was only granted a trip a every 9 months or so, he couldn't of expected anything less.

"I hope your head still isn't in Africa" Cora leaned against the bedpost smiling. Robert looked at his wife and matched her smile, nothing was as hard as leaving Cora behind. They were a team, ever since he had admitted he loved her, watching her getting smaller as the train pulled away from Downton station made him want to desert the army, it was only his sense of duty and by God it was tested that made him go back to that foreign land every time.

Feeling a twinge in his arm he slowly shifted trying not to move and make Cora suspicious, "Of course not, how can it be? When I spent every minute thinking about coming home to you".

"No wonder it took you three years to win the war then" Cora teased sliding into bed next to him "If your mind was always on me". She slid a hand expertly over Robert's chest toying with the buttons, burrowing her head in the nook between his right shoulder and his neck. Robert began to breathe deeply "Cora..." he gently pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly "I can't, not tonight I am far to tired my love".

Cora lifted up her head, eyes widening looking momentarily hurt, her pain made Robert's heart drop ever so slightly, "Of course Robert I understand, however I do hope this will not become a regular occurrence, I have waited a whole 9 months and 21 days to get you back" Cora jabbed a finger playfully into his chest settling back down to her previous position.

"Of course Lady Grantham" Robert pulled his wife closer enjoying having the warmth of her body there again. Robert felt Cora's smile against his neck, he felt the twinge go up his left arm again but didn't dare move, it slowly became a dull thud of pain up the left side of his torso but he pushed it to the back of his mind. Cora didn't need to know, she would only worry, she din't ever need to know pushing away his guilt he began to plan.

December 1902

Cora was sure this was the best Christmas ever, they had Robert home for good, the girls were happy, she smiled as she opened the box from the dressmakers. Inside was a nightgown, if you could call it that, from the waist upwards it was made from a sheer white fine silk netting with no fabric underneath which it made it quite scandalous really nothing was left to the imagination. The bottom was a thin white cotton finishing just below the knees. The back is what made Cora know Robert would love it, most nightgowns either have buttons or are loose enough to pull on and off, this one had three ribbons that held it on and made it fitted on the top. One ran around the waist, another attached to the shoulder straps at near the Shoulder blades and a smaller one in between.

Robert had always loved her back, Cora smiled at imagining his face as he pulled open every bow to reveal the skin. She also hoped it would encourage him to loose his pyjama's during their 'terrific fun' sessions, ever since Robert had come home he had insisted on keeping his pyjamas on whenever the made love, she couldn't fathom it not one bit. At first she had thought he had attained some bruising in the field and he felt self conscious about it, just one of his English quirks about weak stomached females; Cora thought men should birth a child then say that, she had just let it be in the beginning.

Now a whole 6 months had passed and Robert seemed no closer to letting her see him naked again. Of course every time Cora had tried to remove them Robert had just moved her hands away and then distracted her, it worried her it was almost like the beginning of their marriage again the bedroom. He was attentive and completely 'her Robert' outside this room, but inside there was a stark difference in his behaviour, he was detached he never wanted to try anymore almost like it was a chore exactly he was back in 1888, expect she knew something was bothering him causing this change in character but she didn't know what. That annoyed her as she thought Robert could tell her anything at all, however she was wary of breaching the subject after what happened when she had raised the subject for three months after his return.

Cora sat down on the armchair in the room and sighed remembering that time she had tried to be bold on the matter.

_Slowly Cora lifted her head once she was sure Robert's breathing had levelled and he was in a deep sleep. Her hand eased across to the top button of the shirt easing it out slowly but surely the second soon after. She wanted to know if it was a physical blemish that caused his moods making him so un-Robertish, Suddenly she was pushed in a almost violent way to her side of the bed, she looked up in shock to see Robert standing there._

"_What do you think you were doing?" Robert demanded pulling on his dressing gown._

"_Robert …..you never had a problem with me doing that before, I just wanted to know what was wrong" Cora whispered sitting up scared of how her husband was reacting._

"_That was before Cora, just ….I … you have no right, you don't need to know" Robert managed to get out. Cora stiffened unable to speak at the words that had just come from his lips._

"_It's my problem Cora please let ME deal with it" Robert seethed._

"_I just wanted to help we have always talked before" Cora tried._

"_When you have seen and been through a war then we can talk about it otherwise LEAVE THE SUBJECT ALONE" Robert was breathing deeply going slightly red around his face._

_Cora breathed deeply before answering, she knew he had got his Earl's mindset on and nothing and no-one could argue with the Earl, but as always the fear gave away to her unbridled American which awoke and it was just as formidable as the Earl. _

"_Robert I want to help, out of this room you are one of the kindest, sweetest, most attentive men I know" Cora's voice had a steel behind it "I love you with every fibre of my being, but this 3 months I have waited for you to sort your head out from the war but I feel we are further behind then when we started this marriage, you no longer seem to enjoy the physical side of our marriage" Cora began to cry her voice staying steady, "I feel as if I no longer know what is going through your mind as you never speak to me about it, I can't help you if you don't but I can no longer stay silent about the matter"._

_Robert had just stood there and stared at her, not even reacting to her tears "I will leave you be then my darling, I didn't realise such a little thing of me getting undressed was such an issue as I was the same in every other respect, I know I am not them same man, no man is when he comes home, however I will not plague you with my demons, goodnight my love". With that he turned and walked into his dressing room the door clicking shut._

_Cora sobbed then in complete abandon the fight in her gone, she blamed herself did governess' teach English girls how to deal with husbands who came home from war? Or was she just expected to accept the new Robert?_

Cora shuddered it had taken her a month and a half of touching and smiling to pull Robert back into her bedroom, it was another month on top of that when Robert payed her needs of a women any attention again, she wasn't bothered about the love making but she wanted to get her husband back from the war fully, the whole argument adding to the elephant in the room which was acquiring luggage by the minute, she hoped tonight would diffuse the atmosphere.

- - - - - (Later in the day)

Robert sighed rolling his left shoulder trying to ease the ache that permanently lived there, after a morning of seemed to be him running after the girls in the snow he seemed quite tense, he stared at the door which separated his room to Cora's he had never been anxious about stepping through it on an evening, but ever since the argument he had great difficulty opening it. He turned from the white door and stared at his reflection he knew he acted knavishly.

_Closing the door with a click he turned into his dressing room sliding down to the floor at the foot of the bed, his frozen facade dropping the tears streaming down his face silently. He had raved almost violently at his Cora, how could he? His sweet, innocent wife who had done everything in her power to accommodate him in the last three months. Robert let his head fall on his knees, he had tried to be the same man, so very hard, but when it came to Cora he just couldn't share this he couldn't, she would view him differently. Oh God! He thought she was crying, I promised never to leave her crying again, what if I hurt her when I pushed her away? He tried to stand up but his legs gave way the weight of holding everything back for three months exhausting him in a moment, slumped on the floor he was pulled into sleep._

Robert turned from his reflection he had never meant to explode at Cora that night, once he got into a rage he found it difficult to come out of it, nor had he meant to leave her crying, but he couldn't find the words to tell her what was wrong with him, he thought they would never talk about it and they would be fine and they apparently were not. His plan he thought of on his first night back of staying dressed during had not been successful, he could not see the problem with him staying dressed he was hardly a sculpture but it seemed to upset Cora so.

He had woken up the next morning from the argument still slumped on the floor in agony, he saw Cora in the entrance hall not long after breakfast who he had just kissed and walked off, heart breaking at the gentle sobs he heard. Robert had decided that day to distance himself from Cora to spare her any unnecessary upset, he had only returned to what was their 'happy' medium they achieved before the argument when he realised it seemed to make Cora happy.

Squaring his shoulders Robert walked into his wife's bedroom, smiling at he sight of her sat on her vanity, it was the little things like this in which Robert fooled himself that they were fine. He knew that he should begin to tell her what was wrong apologize for being a cad. His mouth opened but no sound came out the rush a emotion and excuses that would explain everything and make it all better halted by his inner English gentleman. He closed his mouth ashamed that he couldn't explain to his Cora not even after six months, he broke a little more inside knowing they would never go back to how it was before as he couldn't let go, even after the fantastic Christmas they have had. Chucking his dressing gown over the armchair he got himself into bed staring at the opposite wall

Cora stared over at Robert her heart sinking, she had hoped he would be in one of his better moods tonight. She knew the moods came from whatever was troubling him from the war, he was completely happy until the evenings, everything seemed to come back to him then. God, Robert was trying to be himself, she smiled, the way he acted made her think he had scared himself as much as her on that night.

Cora shifted slightly she had put on one of her normal nightgowns deciding to leave the nightgown in the bathroom and if Robert had been in a good mood she would of gone in their and put it on, instead she slid into bed and held Robert's hand. "Penny for your thoughts".

Robert kissed her hand "You know I'm sorry don't you? For the way I behaved that night, I snapped and I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you and I meant none of those things, I just thought things were normal and as they should be" Three months to apologize nice going Robert.

"I know you are Robert it was out of character for you everything you said was, everything is fine Robert in every way" Cora rolled to her side her spare hand reaching round the pull Robert's face to look at her's "Except the fact you never seem to want to come in here no more, and its never going to change unless you either allow me to touch your skin or you tell me what happened".

Robert's face crumbled "I … can't Cora... my love … my darling" He leant into her touch "I don't think I ever will be able to".

"Shush, my man" Cora thought the use of his pet name would help "I just feel hurt that after all we went through in the beginning, to end up like this because you can't tell me something"

Robert softened at the 'my man' "I know and that in return hurts my darling, you need to give me time, please"

"Of course my Robert, my earl, my man, my love, I would wait a thousand years" With that Cora kissed him smiling it was a start.

14th February 1903

Since that Christmas evening the tension around the problem seemed less weighty, Cora had conformation that Robert was trying to get past his inner barriers, and Robert knew Cora was waiting for him to open up.

Robert had spent most of the day out of the house, he had sent Cora some flowers and a card, it seemed meagre after he had made her deal with his moodiness for 8 months. Cora on the other hand loved the gesture feeling that her single card to Robert was put to shame. She had placed her received card on her vanity and was staring at it when she was applying her creams ready for bed.

"I'm ready to tell you"

Cora stared at her husband's reflection "Are you sure?" he nodded "Where do you want me?".

"I don't mind just don't stop me or I might never start again" Robert sunk into the armchair, Cora swivelled in her seat but didn't move.

"It was 5th May 1902 myself, Bates, Rodgers, Pyke, Phillips and Martin were getting ready to leave for home, our part of the battle was won we had been discharged from Africa. There had been an agreement at he beginning of the war not to equip the natives with weapons however some still managed to get hold of them, god only knows how. We were travelling back to the train station past one of the concentration camps, do not ask me about them I personally didn't not agree with them, the natives decided it would be a good idea to try to break some of the inmates out" Robert sighed his voice a single monotone "It was several small bombs a crudely made that shattered debris everywhere it blew everything up but the fence around the camp that just dented with the force, one landed near us Phillips and Martin took the brunt of the force they were killed instantly Bates took several shards of shrapnel to his leg, Rodgers arm was near enough taken clean off, Pyke ended up with a bullet from one of the guards from our side in him killing him, the gunmen were aiming for the natives."

Cora just gaped she tried not to gasp incase Robert stopped, he had to live with this for all this time.

"Bates survived though he swore they didn't get all the shrapnel out, Rodgers survived they were dispatched from the hospital on the 23rd May" Robert struggled "A piece of the bomb hit me on the left side of my chest just below my shoulder, the shrapnel got embedded, I don't remember much until I woke up in hospital a week later apparently it had torn some of my ligaments and I had lost a lot of blood. If I had been any closer it would have pierced my heart and I would have died, I nearly did. I stayed in the hospital until the 2nd June when I began travelling home but it was a slow process" Robert finished grimacing.

"Robert... I can't believe you lived through that and told me nothing of it" Cora rushed forwards and took his hands in hers, she was in shock.

"I thought you would find me weak or my scars ugly, I didn't want to worry you" Robert kissed her forehead smiling "I was foolish"

"You are my fool I can't believe you would thought I'd hate you over trivial matters... I need a moment Robert" Cora walked into the bathroom shutting the door, she found she had no tears to shed just pure joy she now knew everything, she decided to take a risk.

Robert sat there slightly worried, he hoped he hadn't scared Cora she was stronger than most women but war was scary, he smiled as she walked back in, "Everything fine my darling?".

"Robert I'll be frank with you I need to see the scars" Cora kept a strong even voice as she knelt between his thighs her hands rubbing up and down his chest.

"If you are sure" Robert choked out the fear clear to see.

Cora reached up easing the first button from its hole slowly and carefully she undid the line, gently she pushed the shirt from Robert's shoulders looking into his eyes until the garment was off. She gazed down to see and almost star shaped scar that spanned most of his left pectoral some strands of white scar tissue snaking over the shoulder and down the ribs. It was red in colour in places put white in others, raised in some areas but indented elsewhere, it had claimed his nipple nothing but a snake of lumpy tissue there now. Cora reached her head down and kissed the shoulder making slow deliberate kisses all over the wound.

Looking up she breathed "How can I not love this? This is you".

Robert let a rumble fall out of his throat, the fear dispersing as Cora kissed the skin she still loved him, of course she did. He grabbed her jaw pulling her up for a kiss opening her dressing gown he moaned fully letting the garment fall off her shoulders, "You are trying to kill me my darling" he began rubbing his hans up and down her sides marvelling at this thinness of the fabric.

"I bought it for christmas but I am so glad I kept it for this moment" Cora giggled "Will I do milord?" She leant back into the rug.

Robert suckled down his wife's neck, to her collarbone down to her cleavage urged on by every sound he was rewarded with. Pulling on the fabric he heard the tiniest of rips, Cora sat up slightly, "Robert!".

"Gossamer" He responded kissing her cleavage, at her questioning face, " The material is like the silk of a spider web, light, delicate but on the whole insubstantial"

"This is why I don't buy pretty night things Robert" Cora sighed easing round so he could observe the back of the dress, smirked at the tightening of his hand on her waist.

Robert was struggling so hard to keep his self control not to just take her now, with every kiss Cora pushed back and rubbed against his groin, she knows exactly what to do to make him fall apart, her back being one of his greatest weakness', he reached to pull one of the bows when he felt his hand being smacked, with a disapproving tut. Leaning forward Robert presses feather light kisses to each of Cora's shoulder blades, he grabs the top bow with his teeth and pulls, this time he receives a breathy moan. He has to shift slightly as his bottoms are growing ever to tight as every second passes, peppering the newly exposed skin on her back with kisses he tugs open the last two bows, the creamy expanse of skin now accessible. Stroking and kissing he can feel Cora tense, "Robert please".

"Please what my darling?" Robert mused turning Cora round and sitting on the floor with her on his lap, pushing the now loose garment up over her head, marvelling that even after 3 children she was a willowy as ever. Taking a nipple between his lips he wanted to make her answering as difficult as possible.

Cora moaned her hands threaded through Robert's hair pulling him closer, with that and the feel of his arousal right where she needed it she very nearly fell apart. "Take me" she all but whimpered.

He knew she was near sitting up slightly he eased his bottoms off and lowered Cora onto him marvelling as always at her heat and tightness, "Cora" he gasped nearly releasing there and then.

Cora not being a backwards woman began to rock marvelling at the fullness she felt, she slowly sped up as Roberts resumed his work on her nipples causing her to go hurtling over the edge moaning Robert's name like a chant. It was all it took to send Robert over groaning as he felt her clenching around him "C...".

Cora came down feeling the most content since she couldn't name when, the look on Robert's face told her he felt them same.

"Welcome Home my man"


End file.
